I have no idea where this originated, it's been around for years.
It's so old that the first time I ever saw it was a paper copy my Dad had in his file cabinet out in his garage.
I laughed so fucking hard I almost pulled a muscle.
In honor of more of the fucking white shit heading this way, snow then an inch of ice predicted, I present to you an old favorite.
The diary of a poor soul who moved from sunny Florida to some unnamed Northern state just in time for Winter to hit.
A Southerner Moves up North
diary:
Dec 8. - It's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first I've seen in years. The wife and I took our hot buttered rums and sat by the picture window. Watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was beautiful.
Dec 9. - We woke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight. Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time in my life and I loved it. I did both the driveway and our sidewalk. Later, the city snowplow came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved back and shoveled it again.
Dec 10. - It snowed an additional 6 inches last night and the temperature dropped to around 11 degrees. Several limbs on the trees and shrubs snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shoveled the driveway again. Shortly afterwards the snowplow came by and did his trick again. Much of the snow is now brownish-grey.
Dec 11. - Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tires for both cars. Fell on my ass in the driveway; $145 to a chiropractor, but nothing was broken. More snow and ice expected today.
Dec 12. - Still cold. Sold the wife's car and bought a 4x4 in order to get her to work. Slid into a guardrail anyway and did considerable amount of damage to the rear quarter panel. Had another 8 inches of the white shit last night. both vehicles covered with salt and crud. More shoveling in store for me today. That goddamn snow plow came by twice today. I'm positive the sadistic motherfucker is doing it on purpose just to be a dick.
Dec 13. - Two degrees below zero outside! More fucking snow. Not a tree or shrub on our property that hasn't been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a kerosene heater, which tipped over and nearly burned the house down. I managed to put out the flames, but suffered 2nd degree burns on my hands and lost my eyelashes and eyebrows. Car slid on the ice on way to emergency room and was totaled. Had to get a ride from the tow truck driver to the hospital, can't wait for that bill. Four hour wait for a cab to get back home.Made him stop and wait while I went inside the liquor store and bought two cases of whiskey on the way back.
Dec 14. - Goddamn mother-fucking white shit keeps coming down. Have to put on all the clothes I own just to get to the mailbox. If I ever catch that sonofbitch that drives the snowplow I'll chew open his chest and rip out his heart. I think he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then comes down the street about 100 mph and buries our driveway again. Power still off. Toilet froze and part of the roof is starting to cave in.
Dec 15. - Six goddamn more inches of fucking snow and fucking sleet and fucking ice and god knows what other kind of motherfucking white shit fell last night. I wounded that cocksucker of a snowplow driver asshole with an ice axe but he managed to get away. He left a trail of blood to follow later though. Wife left me. Car won't start. I think I'm going snow blind. I can't move my toes. Haven't seen the sun in weeks. More fucking snow predicted. Wind chill is minus 22 fucking degrees.
Fuck this shit. I'm moving back to Florida.
Saturday, January 7, 2017
Some People Have WAY Too Much Time And WAY Too Much Money On Their Hands
Get a load of the size of this Remote Controlled Crane.
The people involved in this build entire cities and run these little machines all over the place.
Just a guess but I'm thinking a few thousand dollars involved here.
I got sucked into a rabbit hole watching some of these videos and some of this miniature equipment blows my mind.
If you watch the whole video, you will see the guy using a rake handle to knock the lifting slings loose. That's how tall this thing is.
Twelve feet tall I'm guessing.
A twelve foot tall, remote controlled, Toy Crane. Jayzus.
I'm going to have to show this to the Wifely Unit later and threaten to get into this crap. That should be enough to cause her to lighten up on me for the crap I do have going now and make it seem rather harmless and cheap.
The people involved in this build entire cities and run these little machines all over the place.
Just a guess but I'm thinking a few thousand dollars involved here.
I got sucked into a rabbit hole watching some of these videos and some of this miniature equipment blows my mind.
If you watch the whole video, you will see the guy using a rake handle to knock the lifting slings loose. That's how tall this thing is.
Twelve feet tall I'm guessing.
A twelve foot tall, remote controlled, Toy Crane. Jayzus.
I'm going to have to show this to the Wifely Unit later and threaten to get into this crap. That should be enough to cause her to lighten up on me for the crap I do have going now and make it seem rather harmless and cheap.
Friday, January 6, 2017
I Think I Woke Up In Minny Soda
It must be because it's only 18 motherfucking degrees outside.
Somebody slap Al Gore for me.
The only saving grace is that there is no wind at the moment and the skies are clear.
Come Saturday that is supposed to change and it's Round 2 with the ice skating rink shit.
What the fuck is up with that shit anyways?
This is the Pacific Northwest people!
It's supposed to be moderate temperatures and lots of fucking rain, not ice storms and freezing fucking cold bullshit.
Jayzus.
Somebody slap Al Gore for me.
The only saving grace is that there is no wind at the moment and the skies are clear.
Come Saturday that is supposed to change and it's Round 2 with the ice skating rink shit.
What the fuck is up with that shit anyways?
This is the Pacific Northwest people!
It's supposed to be moderate temperatures and lots of fucking rain, not ice storms and freezing fucking cold bullshit.
Jayzus.
Wednesday, January 4, 2017
Hello My Old Friend
Yep.
There is some kind of plague getting passed around at work, half of the crew are sick in varying degrees.
I know where I got it, one of my co workers had it bad and now the other guy and me both have the shit.
From what I am hearing, it lingers on and on and on too.
Fuckin' great.
I'm just getting over my back strain and I started feeling this crap coming on all night Tuesday. Massive head congestion for starters and then straight to the chest. It never fails.
I went to bed early, woke up a 4:30 in the morning and went straight for the Nyquil.
I was out until 11:30 then woke up with a case of the screaming shits.
Took care of that and went right back to sleep until my wife woke me up at 1:30 asking me if I was going to work.
Drug my sorry ass to work to find the place full of sick people.
I swear the joint is like a Daycare center. Walking petri dishes everywhere.
All 3 of us on Swing have this crap and all 3 of us drug ass all day.
I just got home a few minutes ago and already have the bottle sitting right next to me.
The first thing I do whenever I open up a bottle of this stuff is to throw that stupid little plastic measuring cap away.
When I am sick enough to get the Nyquil out I'm not messing around.
Two good mouthfulls straight up generally does the trick.
It doesn't take too long and pretty soon all the background noises get muted and then the lights start getting dim.
A minute or two after that and it's lights out and Z city.
Just what the doctor ordered.
Hopefully some serious sleep will help with this, even if it doesn't help a whole lot, at least I won't be conscious and suffering.
Win win in my book.
In the mean time, nighty nite kids.
There is some kind of plague getting passed around at work, half of the crew are sick in varying degrees.
I know where I got it, one of my co workers had it bad and now the other guy and me both have the shit.
From what I am hearing, it lingers on and on and on too.
Fuckin' great.
I'm just getting over my back strain and I started feeling this crap coming on all night Tuesday. Massive head congestion for starters and then straight to the chest. It never fails.
I went to bed early, woke up a 4:30 in the morning and went straight for the Nyquil.
I was out until 11:30 then woke up with a case of the screaming shits.
Took care of that and went right back to sleep until my wife woke me up at 1:30 asking me if I was going to work.
Drug my sorry ass to work to find the place full of sick people.
I swear the joint is like a Daycare center. Walking petri dishes everywhere.
All 3 of us on Swing have this crap and all 3 of us drug ass all day.
I just got home a few minutes ago and already have the bottle sitting right next to me.
The first thing I do whenever I open up a bottle of this stuff is to throw that stupid little plastic measuring cap away.
When I am sick enough to get the Nyquil out I'm not messing around.
Two good mouthfulls straight up generally does the trick.
It doesn't take too long and pretty soon all the background noises get muted and then the lights start getting dim.
A minute or two after that and it's lights out and Z city.
Just what the doctor ordered.
Hopefully some serious sleep will help with this, even if it doesn't help a whole lot, at least I won't be conscious and suffering.
Win win in my book.
In the mean time, nighty nite kids.
Tuesday, January 3, 2017
Harbor Freight Wooden Workbench Build And Review
As promised, here are my thoughts on the workbench I finally got after wanting one for two years.
The first thing I will say is that I would not hesitate to buy another one.
If you wait and either catch them on sale or better yet get one of their frequent 25% off coupons you can pick these up for about $125.00 every once in a while.
You couldn't buy the raw materials for one that cheap.
I was pleasantly surprised at how sturdy it is, the fit and finish of the thing and the relative ease of assembly.
It's basically Harbor Freight meets Ikea.
There are some negatives, of course, but not many.
After wrestling the thing to the ground and getting the box open, I came across my first pleasant surprise.
You don't have to assemble every stick of wood to build this thing.
The leg assemblies are already put together.
You also don't have to mount the drawer slides. More on those later though.
You really don't need too many tools to put it together, it comes with the obligatory cheap Allen Wrench, after that you will need a Phillips Screwdriver, a drill, some drill bits and if you are smart, some Wood Glue.
I also cheated and used some Transfer Punches to mark a few holes that aren't pre-drilled.
I also pitched their little POS Allen Wrench somewhere in the vicinity of one of my tool boxes and got out a full sized Metric set with the ball ends.
YMMV.
As with every single Harbor Freight product I have ever purchased, the directions left much to be desired but since Harbor Freight is just the distributor for another manufacturer they weren't too bad.
I opened up the box and just went at it.
This is where I started running into problems, installing the drawers after I got them together.
The first one went in without a hitch. The rest, not so much.
I would get one started in the slides and start pushing it in and it would bind up. The next thing I know, I start hearing tap, tap, tappetytaptap.
WTF?
I stopped and followed the sound and found a whole bunch of little ball bearings laying down in the tray underneath.
I wasn't really pushing that hard either.
I took the drawer back out and took a look at the drawer slide. the little bearing cage was a bit mangled up at the front so I took the thing out to get a better look at it and to try and straighten the damn thing back out so I could get the bearings back in it.
They are apparently made out of recycled beer cans.
The word chintzy comes to mind.
After I got it back together and reinstalled I tried sticking the drawer in again.
It went in about two inches and then I got to repeat the previous steps.
I could see no reason for it to be binding.
After round two, I stuck the drawer in until I just started to feel it bind up just a tiny bit and then went around to the back side so I could see what was going on.
Just like before, I could see no reason for it to be binding.
So I grabbed the drawer from the back and gently started working it in and out and slowly it just worked it's way all the way back and smoothed right out.
No rhyme or reason for it that I could see. The last two drawers went in the same way.
I started them and when they tried to bind up, I went around back and worked them back and forth while pulling them in a little farther each time and all at once they would go in.
After I finally got done with the whole project, that is my only complaint. The drawer slides are junk.
Look close and you can see how they sag in the middle.
I shouldn't complain for the price I paid and for what I got for my money.
One of these days I will go to Home Depot or some such outfit and spend a few bucks getting some sturdier slides.
Other than that, I am absolutely happy with this thing, it even comes with a rinky dink wood vise on one end.
I mean it's cheaply made but it works.
The workbench it's self is plenty sturdy and doesn't wobble around .
It's heavy enough that I threw my back out flipping the thing over by myself a couple of times to get the middle drawer support installed and the top screwed to the leg supports.
In case you didn't know, Stubborn is my middle name.
Right this minute it has my new Mini Metal Lathe and a vintage cast iron table saw complete with heavy assed electric motor hanging off the back sitting on it and it is solid.
Easily 150 pounds up on it.
You could probably actually use it for wood working too although that's not what I got it for.
It has the holes in it for dogs and even comes with some.
In closing, not only would I recommend getting one, I am seriously thinking about getting another one and butting them up together.
The first thing I will say is that I would not hesitate to buy another one.
If you wait and either catch them on sale or better yet get one of their frequent 25% off coupons you can pick these up for about $125.00 every once in a while.
You couldn't buy the raw materials for one that cheap.
I was pleasantly surprised at how sturdy it is, the fit and finish of the thing and the relative ease of assembly.
It's basically Harbor Freight meets Ikea.
There are some negatives, of course, but not many.
After wrestling the thing to the ground and getting the box open, I came across my first pleasant surprise.
You don't have to assemble every stick of wood to build this thing.
The leg assemblies are already put together.
You also don't have to mount the drawer slides. More on those later though.
You really don't need too many tools to put it together, it comes with the obligatory cheap Allen Wrench, after that you will need a Phillips Screwdriver, a drill, some drill bits and if you are smart, some Wood Glue.
I also cheated and used some Transfer Punches to mark a few holes that aren't pre-drilled.
I also pitched their little POS Allen Wrench somewhere in the vicinity of one of my tool boxes and got out a full sized Metric set with the ball ends.
YMMV.
As with every single Harbor Freight product I have ever purchased, the directions left much to be desired but since Harbor Freight is just the distributor for another manufacturer they weren't too bad.
I opened up the box and just went at it.
This is where I started running into problems, installing the drawers after I got them together.
The first one went in without a hitch. The rest, not so much.
I would get one started in the slides and start pushing it in and it would bind up. The next thing I know, I start hearing tap, tap, tappetytaptap.
WTF?
I stopped and followed the sound and found a whole bunch of little ball bearings laying down in the tray underneath.
I wasn't really pushing that hard either.
I took the drawer back out and took a look at the drawer slide. the little bearing cage was a bit mangled up at the front so I took the thing out to get a better look at it and to try and straighten the damn thing back out so I could get the bearings back in it.
They are apparently made out of recycled beer cans.
The word chintzy comes to mind.
After I got it back together and reinstalled I tried sticking the drawer in again.
It went in about two inches and then I got to repeat the previous steps.
I could see no reason for it to be binding.
After round two, I stuck the drawer in until I just started to feel it bind up just a tiny bit and then went around to the back side so I could see what was going on.
Just like before, I could see no reason for it to be binding.
So I grabbed the drawer from the back and gently started working it in and out and slowly it just worked it's way all the way back and smoothed right out.
No rhyme or reason for it that I could see. The last two drawers went in the same way.
I started them and when they tried to bind up, I went around back and worked them back and forth while pulling them in a little farther each time and all at once they would go in.
After I finally got done with the whole project, that is my only complaint. The drawer slides are junk.
Look close and you can see how they sag in the middle.
I shouldn't complain for the price I paid and for what I got for my money.
One of these days I will go to Home Depot or some such outfit and spend a few bucks getting some sturdier slides.
Other than that, I am absolutely happy with this thing, it even comes with a rinky dink wood vise on one end.
I mean it's cheaply made but it works.
The workbench it's self is plenty sturdy and doesn't wobble around .
It's heavy enough that I threw my back out flipping the thing over by myself a couple of times to get the middle drawer support installed and the top screwed to the leg supports.
In case you didn't know, Stubborn is my middle name.
Right this minute it has my new Mini Metal Lathe and a vintage cast iron table saw complete with heavy assed electric motor hanging off the back sitting on it and it is solid.
Easily 150 pounds up on it.
You could probably actually use it for wood working too although that's not what I got it for.
It has the holes in it for dogs and even comes with some.
In closing, not only would I recommend getting one, I am seriously thinking about getting another one and butting them up together.
Monday, January 2, 2017
Light blogging for today
I was fairly busy over the weekend out in the garage, putting the Harbor Freight wooden work bench together and uncrating the mini lathe.
Come to find out I received it upside down.
That was, interesting, to say the least.
I did a bunch of monkeying around and basically threw my "fused" lower back out doing something I shouldn't have obviously.
I used the little folding hoist I bought a few weeks ago to do the heavy lifting but that work bench got to be kind of heavy towards the end and I had to keep flipping it over to get to spots.
I did take a bunch of pictures of the process but have to move them from the phone to this laptop and then into my download file so I can upload them to the blog.
Not happening right now.
Either way, I suffered all damn day and at whatever the fuck time it is right now, it ain't showing any signs of letting up yet.
This causes me to not give much thought to blogging so we shall see how I feel later on. This little episode is not uncommon, I have been dealing with this for over thirty years now.
Hit the blog roll, there is a whole group of folks over on both sides who I read pretty much daily.
Come to find out I received it upside down.
That was, interesting, to say the least.
I did a bunch of monkeying around and basically threw my "fused" lower back out doing something I shouldn't have obviously.
I used the little folding hoist I bought a few weeks ago to do the heavy lifting but that work bench got to be kind of heavy towards the end and I had to keep flipping it over to get to spots.
I did take a bunch of pictures of the process but have to move them from the phone to this laptop and then into my download file so I can upload them to the blog.
Not happening right now.
Either way, I suffered all damn day and at whatever the fuck time it is right now, it ain't showing any signs of letting up yet.
This causes me to not give much thought to blogging so we shall see how I feel later on. This little episode is not uncommon, I have been dealing with this for over thirty years now.
Hit the blog roll, there is a whole group of folks over on both sides who I read pretty much daily.
Sunday, January 1, 2017
Happy New Year
Thank God 2016 is finally over.
May this next year be your best yet, thanks for stopping by.
May this next year be your best yet, thanks for stopping by.
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