I took the Sprite downtown in this freezing ass weather to pick up some Briggs and Stratton parts that I ordered yesterday just because its not raining, snowing or hailing outside at the moment and I needed to pull it out of the garage to get in there and do some shit anyway.
That fucking East wind is howling again so the wind chill is about 27 degrees and did I mention there is no heater in the little beastie?
Yeah.
So I get home and can't feel half my fingers and the very first thing I hear is that there is something beeping in the house, again.
I went through this the other day when I popped a circuit breaker fucking with that little table saw and it turned out to be the defunct ADT alarm system bitching at me because the power supply got interrupted.
So of course, my wife starts in saying it's fucked up again and that I need to fix it.
I couldn't even tell you where or how many sensors there are in this place that go to that but it is more than a few I do know.
I went and took a look at it and there are some trouble codes flashing but while I am doing that, whatever is doing the beeping let out a chirp.
The kid was standing around with his thumb up his ass in between video game battles so I told him to listen for where that is coming from.
He says it's the alarm system again.
It beeps again.
I know that beep.
It ain't the alarm system, it's a fucking smoke detector letting me know the battery needs to be replaced because I just did that for the one in the dining room two weeks ago.
I also used the last damn 9 volt battery in the house to do it and forgot to get more so I could go around and do them all.
It took a couple of minutes to figure out which one it was but we finally narrowed it down to the one in the oldest boy's room.
He is autistic so he isn't coming out and saying anything about it. Poor kid is just suffering in silence and watching his television.
A quick trip to the convenience store to pick up the last fucking 9 volt battery they had of course, and back to finish the job.
As I am on my way back from the store, I remembered an old joke that seemed to fit this situation perfectly.
Q: How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
A: No one knows, they would rather sit in the dark and bitch about the light bulb being out.
So I did my manly duty and fixed the damn beeping so I could finish going about my business undisturbed.
As I was trying to figure out which smoke alarm was being the whiny little bitch, this tune popped into my head.
I am so glad I'm on vacation.
Right?
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